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However, the crushing burden of America’s systemic racism that claimed the freedom of far too many Black men and labelled Black women “undesirable”, proves to exacerbate circumstances that are already difficult to navigate all on their own.

I was taken aback by his willingness to discuss commitment, marriage and family.

Though the beautiful islands of Hawai’i are a part of America, even dating there proved to be more successful than whatever excuse for dating I had previously endured back on the East Coast.

I planned a trip to several countries in Africa in 2017 to further test my international dating luck. This is not to say that I expect men from anywhere in the world to be perfect: No matter where Black women go, they will encounter sexism and disrespectful men.

Though branded a liberal and open-minded city, coming into adulthood in a space rife with hook-up culture meant that this open-mindedness merely translated into sexual curiosity for my Black body, not respect of it. I also accepted that, perhaps I would have to “settle” for a partner: You know, find a fixer upper as many Black women around me had begun to do.

“I’d love to be with a Black girl; I never have before,” another white male suitor proclaimed with a grin. Some of my closest Black girl friends were having kids with men who had other “baby mommas”, few job prospects and always felt like their manhood was being threatened by their partner’s success.

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That first real relationship would be one of many where my black womanhood became a liability.