Question to ask while dating
I could chalk it up to fear of loss and re-creating the worst dynamics of my marriage, analysis paralysis about what I did that contributed to some of the dysfunction in that decade plus two, regret and shame about some of my choices, raising my son as a single parent, experimenting with relationship paradigm options, re-inventing myself, busy-ness with life stuff, focusing on career building and at times, truly enjoying being single and now that my son is an adult, making choices that primarily affect only me.
I could second guess “If I knew then what I know now,” and beat myself up over all of the shoulda woulda coulda’s and believe me, I have.
Which is better: asking for permission or asking for forgiveness? What would you do if you inherited 1 million dollars tomorrow? What’s the most embarrassing moment of your life so far? Where would you rather live – a big house in the suburbs or a tiny apartment in a great location in the city? If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? Ever have any trouble with the law or get arrested? What do you want to have going on in your life in 5 years, or 10, or 15? Which would you rather be, smart or happy, and why?
What’s your biggest regret that you have in your life so far?
So many people create new relationships on the wreckage of old interactions. I’ll live with myself 24/7 for the rest of my life and if I choose to blend my life with another’s, that is crucial.
As Joe Jackson sagely says “You can’t get what you want, til you know what you want.” There are questions I didn’t ask myself in earlier years, both pre and post-marriage and conversations that I wish I had back then. My vivid imagination conjures up images of a dynamic, ever-growing “third entity” that combines the sum of the parts of the two of us.
Rationale: Is s/he entitled, disrespectful or needy? If you weren’t doing the job you’re doing now, what would you like to do? Rationale: Is s/he erratic, dysregulated or impulsive-in-a-bad-way? Do you feel confident about your ability to solve everyday problems that come up? Without emotional self-awareness, people can’t easily communicate when they need caring, and that tends to cause problems in relationships. To make an awesome relationship even better, these are great resources for giving your relationship a tune-up.
Rationale: Does s/he have any big plans for dramatic life changes you don’t know about? Rationale: Is the person excessively dependent, needy, or incompetent, or does s/he perceive themselves that way? Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen Your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Note: Of course there are other important dating questions related to finances, children etc but I wanted to make a list of psychology-related dating questions.
How do you deal with people in your life that you don’t like? What’s the funniest thing that happened in your childhood?
How would you describe me to someone who doesn’t know me?
If you had the power to read someone’s mind, whose would it be?
I would much rather explore and examine, from the perspective of being on the other side of the experience, not just what I want, but what I want, even though relationship experts generally encourage focus on the positive.
I am a believer, based on my own personal and professional perspective that I need to clear the detritus of previous encounters in order to build anew.
While it would be easy to maintain my professional objectivity, what remains with me that is fodder for this post is how deeply and profoundly the concepts presented touch on my own journey.