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Just because our husbands aren’t deployed doesn’t mean they are available….which brings me back to number four. Everything’s going great, system is working well, and then, one of your children remembers he hasn’t seen his dad in two weeks. Yes, we knew what we signed up for when we got married. So we take kids to school concerts, sports games and put them to bed at night. Update: This essay has been republished on Scary Mommy as well as One of my close military wife friends said this to me, and I have never forgotten it. It keeps us sane, it holds things together and it makes us happy and keeps our kids on the right track. It’s a matter of keeping things status quo, so we can handle anything unpredictable (and there’s always a lot of that). Obviously, we have fun and enjoy our children; in fact, they are often the best distraction from tough duty stations. We plan to have our children around the time our husbands will actually be home AND available. ) We plan family vacations and weddings around these schedules as well, and often, they get canceled or postponed. Just because we appear to have it together during tough duty stations (see number 7)…laughing things off and trying to make the best of everything, we are always at our limit. There are times we are raising our kids alone, and we cannot, even if we wanted to, get a hold of our husbands…for weeks. Because when we do deviate from the system, there’s always a huge fallout. I know more than one military couple that eloped after their elaborate wedding was canceled due to a last minute trip.

If you are just looking to chat with women, try girls chat or if you are a gay, bi or curious guy you will love our gay chat. What follows is a recent podcast discussing the unexpected popularity of Sarah’s essay, as well as her newest military wife confessions. Although we have some say over where we live, we don’t have too much. Listen in and read on for the original essay, “Ten Things you Don’t Want to Know about Military Wives.” Read on and tune in to the accompanying episode of our podcast, , recorded two years after publication of this post. We move every two or three years and we don’t always get our first choice. And, (see number one) even though it looks like we’re doing great (and sometimes we are…see number 4), sometimes we’re just barely holding on. She said she was married to a man in the military and they got divorced because ultimately, the stress and distance was too much for her and her husband to handle. Don’t ask us to make elaborate plans, take elaborate trips, or do something that you know is going to create stress. We are always getting up in the middle of the night-always taking the dog out-always getting up with the kids-changing every diaper-washing every dish-taking out every trash bag-making every meal tired. There’s not a lot of time to work on or even enjoy the marriage.

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Every spouse has a few things that cause stress for her. Fortunately, the military encourages a few incredibly romantic evenings such as balls and homecomings where you can touch that magic…but they are not representative of our actual life.