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In order to fit in with the general ethos of the website I have invented a wife.
Reading it on my laptop in the aptly named Cafe Affaire in central London, I consider what she really wants: a no-strings-attached sexual relationship.
Download the app and browse through singles to see how many times you've crossed paths, and where, so at least you can see someone who conveniently lives or works near you. if you don't want your friends/family/colleagues to accidentally see a sexy selfie when they're scrolling through the vacation snaps on your i Pad.
While Disckreet won't necessarily connect you with someone to sext with, this encrypted app will act as a virtual password-protected safe for when you do decide to send raunchy photos.
It may sound like an unpleasant niche website for a handful of amoral people to whom wedding vows never meant very much.
But it claims to have more than 100,000 members in the UK.
After a quick search, I get the measure of the women on the site.