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But you have to improve your marriage behavior if you want success. The first reaction in your mind, when you make such a harsh threatening discovery is going to be self-protective, accompanied by fear; these are primal.
Third: Your marriage is not over, unless you choose it to be. You must change your behaviors of thought, feeling, speech, and actions. Reading a book or two, even one of mine, will likely not be enough. When you discover your husband is using online dating sites you will automatically assume the worst, imagining he is following through, and meeting other women. That is probably not happening, but it is not too late for your marriage, even if he is.
Even when someone KNOWS something is detrimental they will do what they always do.
So, anyone who tells you that all you have to do is this, or that, and everything will be fine, is asking too much. It helps you bring control over your mind, so you can do what is necessary, with a clear head.
They are individuals, who you married, for better or worse, who succumbed to rampant temptations (not excusing them).
Of course, your mind will tell you your whole life is threatened. But remember that instinctive reacting always means that, not clear thinking. In our program, which many women and men have used to recover and re-start their marriage, we include an amazing technique to help you.
Now might be a good time to look at our marriage help program. If this is the case with your husband it is caused by a lack of spiritual love. Some unhappily married men resign themselves to a marriage that feels more like a trap to them, but they would never end their marriage because of a sense of obligation. Do you see how the mind can react to anything, if it is not proven? Because usually men who are on the verge of bailing have already met someone else, so you won’t find them on an online dating site.
Truly, it’s not my job to sugar-coat (I was referred to as the “iron fist” by some of my clients) so don’t get ahead of me. So, here are most of the possibilities: Your husband might just be “looking.” But men see sex and women very differently than you do. It means your marriage is materially, and possibly sexually, oriented. Again, I am not condoning this, but it’s better than divorce; though not as good as our program! Your husband is ready to bail, but wants someone to have him first. The first thing you will want to do, due to the instinct, is confront him, and you are probably wondering how.
It’s a perfect example of having your cake and eating it too. Who do you know who would not react in a negative, or destructive way?
It is crazy to imagine that will help anything, in any way.
So, he may just be testing his male magnetism for egotistical purposes. Believe it, taking your visceral reactions out of the equation is a good thing. I mean, you won’t be pleased to hear this, but he is a good man who simply did not know how to tell you how hard it is for him to live with you. Either of them, Lessons for a Happy Marriage or Breaking the Cycle. The mind can be tricky, and some men imagine it will work out if they live two simultaneous lives. But here is the problem: If you want to keep him you should not confront him.