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Posted by / 20-Dec-2019 05:01

Dating with std

“After I felt more comfortable with myself and the situation, I went on Bumble and started dating people in the more conventional way,” she says.Some people put an incognito message in their profiles on general dating sites, writing out 437737—it spells “herpes” on a dial pad—in their profiles.“I don’t like wasting my time or getting my heart broken, so I think it’s a self-defense thing to almost always tell the guy on the first date,” she explains.“If they want to cut and run, I haven’t invested too much of myself in it.”But in the future, she thinks she’ll take her time disclosing as long as she gets it done before engaging in sexual activities that would put the other person at risk.Davis usually holds off on disclosing to potential sexual partners that she has herpes until she’s known them for a bit.“I’ve always waited a little while before telling people, basically until I thought it was going somewhere,” Davis says.A reader sent me an email and asked me if I would ever date someone with an incurable STD. ” So that’s my honest answer, and I’m a little ashamed of it.She had recently been diagnosed with the HSV virus (that’s herpes, y’all), and wanted my answer to be honest and not “PC.” So here it is goes, my unvarnished, gut reaction to the question: No, I would not date someone with an incurable STD. Because I should know better, considering how I spent the early ’90s, the height of AIDS hysteria, in high school.

Both Davis and Carlson eventually moved past their initial panic and saw herpes for what it is: an infection many people have that happens to usually get passed through sexual contact.

“I mostly thought, ‘I’m going to die alone, no one’s going to date me ever again,” she tells SELF.

Although herpes is one of the most prevalent sexually transmitted diseases, it’s shrouded in stigma.

On sites like Positive Singles and HMates, users are expected to be open about their diagnoses, but because they know everyone else there has an STD, too, it removes a huge barrier—and the question of whether the information will send a potential partner packing.“It’s a great way to see you’re still the same interesting, sexy, desirable person,” Davis says.

“It helps rebuild the confidence that gets hammered down when you get that diagnosis.” (She is a spokesperson for Positive Singles, but she’s never used any STD-specific dating site.)Carlson, who got back into dating via this kind of site after her diagnosis, agrees.

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The mark on my adolescent mind was indelible, and in college I signed up to be a safe-sex peer counselor. Maybe if herpes were called “the ouchies” or “tender Skittles,” it wouldn’t freak us out so much. ” All I could think was, “Sucks if you’re stuck at two?

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