Dating large age gap
Their age should have been a warning to me that we may have nothing in common. It tells you what you may have in common with someone.
The second is to know what you are attracted to, understand what you want in a partner and a relationship, and confirm that these things are in agreement before you choose to spend time with someone.
With each woman I dated, things ended as quickly as they began.
In hindsight, the only thing I was clear on regarding the women I described was that I wanted to date and was initially attracted to them. It is a fairly accurate measurement that describes where you have been and what is left in front of you.
We all experience a first kiss, first partner, first sex, marriage, home, career, child, divorce, etc.
If you're at the end of this list, what on Earth could you have in common with someone near the beginning? When my divorce was final, I went out of my way to date women of different ages ranging anywhere from twenty-two to fifty-three years old.
Now, I stay away from age extremes, and in those rare moments I meet someone extremely younger or older that I'm into, I look for common interests before committing to a date. Save for my first boyfriend, who was just two years older than me, the men I've dated and clicked with have generally been anywhere from six to twenty years my senior.
This works for me because I recognize that age matters. Now a twenty year age difference may not be the norm or "average" (neither is six, for that matter), but I hardly think it's a strong predictor for the success of a relationship (after all, nearly half of those couples with the "ideal" age difference between them get divorced), and it amuses me how shocked people continue to be about an age discrepancy.
And while we're at it, can we retire lingo like "cougar" and "cradle-robber" (or grave-robber, as I've been called) — it condescends both parties in question and is on par with sticking a cutesy label on someone who dates outside of their own race or background, in my opinion.
Age is the vehicle by which we experience common milestones in life.
These milestones give us the ability to relate to one another.
Even some 30-something guys I knew didn't seem ready.
But as I observed how he interacted with people at church and did his job, my fears were alleviated.
He Said: It's my experience that maturity and age are two things that rarely co-mingle.