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Anwen defines herself as a romantic asexual and says she would be open to a romantic relationship with a man or a woman.
So far she has had two relationships, both with 'sexuals’, which didn’t work. Not kissing.’ She does not want to marry or have children because of the sex involved. But she says that because she’s young, fragile-looking and blonde, 'people assume that I’m very naive, that I’m not well versed in the world, and they talk down to me a lot, as if I’m unintelligent.’ She acknowledges that she may change her mind when she’s older, but then again, she says, one of the main issues she struggles with as an asexual is hearing that it’s just a phase she’s going through.
For most asexuals, 'It’s like a sexual orientation because it’s not a choice, it’s the way most of us have been for our entire lives.’ Jay himself is in a romantic relationship with an asexual girlfriend and they hope to adopt a child in future.
According to Prof Bogaert, one in 100 people is asexual, although many may not realise they are. In one study, using data collected in the 1990s from 18,000 British people, Prof Bogaert found that about 70 per cent of asexual people were women.
'Imagine you’re a straight man on a desert island with only men. 'I felt: “Good grief, what the hell was it all about? But after their second child was born, her husband left, and subsequent relationships haven’t worked out. I might meet up with another aromantic, but I’m not looking for it.’ She lives with her divorced eldest son (who is aware of her asexuality) and his daughter.
David Jay remembers, 'When I was 13, all my friends were talking about sexuality.
'One of the women I work with said, “I don’t think you’ve met the right man yet.” I said: “Trish, I’m 63.
If I haven’t met him by now I don’t think I’m going to.”’ Jean vividly recalls her moment of asexual awakening, eight years ago.
She hasn’t masturbated for about 10 years – having only ever tried it out of curiosity.
Today, she sleeps with her husband every fortnight to keep him satisfied.
'An asexual is someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction,’ is how Jay defines it.